In the throes of the sleepwalker
by Human Chew Toy
Summary: COMPLETED! Kenshin is sleepwalking, and for some reason he's taken to wearing Kaoru's clothes! Then some funny stuff starts to happen, incuding Kenshin drinking laundry water, fighting with bubbles, and arguing with his sword.
1. It starts

A/N: This is what aspires from boredom and lack of sleep. Don't be mad I'm just tired! But you have to admit it is funny.  
  
Disclaimer: Kenshin is not mine. None of these characters are mine. There might be one that's mine later on, but right now, I don't own anything. I'm like a hobo in Macy's with a lottery ticket.  
  
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Chapter 1: It starts.  
  
'You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere, made of plastic, it's fantastic.I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world... come on Barbie lets go party'  
  
"Ahahah yeah!" Kenshin shouts in a high-pitched girly voice as he awakes. What the HECK had he been dreaming about? And what the heck was this? "Oh well.time to get up!" Kenshin stretches languorously and rises, accommodating his step to the tightness of the kimono.  
  
"Such a beautif-WAIT A MINUTE!!!!" Kenshin takes too big a step in his efforts to examine his-er, the clothing he was wearing. Balance is the key. He doesn't have it. "OROROROROOOOO!" Kenshin cries as he tumbles forward and crashes in a heap on top of his unruly futon. 'Oh no, what if someone heard me?!' In a panic Kenshin tears at the obi, desperate to free himself from the not-so-masculine clothing.  
  
'How the heck did I tie this?! WAAAH I CAN'T UNTIE IT! MISS KAORU'S GOING TO CATCH ME WEARING HER FAVORITE KIMONO!!!!!!' Kenshin's thoughts scream. Frenziedly ripping at the obi he somehow manages to untie it. Not that he remembers how it happened. "Kenshin?" he hears from across the dojo. 'Oh no! Miss Kaoru!' he thinks, freezing in his efforts to rid himself of the evidence. The pretty pink obi flutters softly to the floor as he struggles in vain with the rest of the kimono.  
  
'Oh I pity the female of this wretched species!' Kenshin thinks frantically. Managing finally to shed the outer layer of the kimono, he realizes that to his horror he is also wearing Kaoru's under garments. 'Hopefully they were the spares.' Kenshin thinks, horrifying and yet not so horrifying images of- "Kenshin! Are you ok?!" Kaoru's worried voice calls out, much closer to Kenshin's door now. He doesn't even have time now to ponder why she is up earlier than him. Or to ponder the most interesting images that were flooding his mind.  
  
"Kenshin!!" Kaoru cries, her voice heavy with dread and anguish. From the sound of her voice she's standing outside his door. Any second now she'll open the door to find him most disgraceful. Kenshin opens his mouth to tell her he's ok, but somehow the words don't find themselves in the right place. "Ok! I'm Miss Kaoru!" Kenshin shouts.  
  
'Now, she'll go away and I won't have to explain what I CAN'T explain!' Kenshin thinks smugly. 'Wait a minute!' "Kenshin?" Kaoru worries from outside his door. "If you don't say something coherent RIGHT now I'm coming in!" she declares. 'Oh no.' Kenshin mouths, looking at his relative state of dress. "I'm ok Miss Kaoru!" he attempts to correct, but all that issues from his mouth is a series of small squeaky noises.  
  
"That's it Kenshin! Whether you like it or not I'm coming in!" Kaoru states, her tone firm and immovable. 'AHHAHAHAHAHAH!' Kenshin silently screams, shrugging off the last of Kaoru's clothing. 'Now, safe.' Kenshin sighs. Then it hits him. Kaoru is going to wonder WHY her clothes are in his room. 'AHHH!' his mind once again screams. 'NONONONONONO!' He rushes about in a frenzy as his door begins to slide open inches at a time.  
  
Stuffing all Kaoru's garments under his futon, he turns to face his now open door. "Yes Miss Kaoru?" he asks as innocently as possible, hoping she doesn't notice the telltale lump in his futon. Notice the futon she does not. Notice Kenshin SHE DOES. "HENTAI!!!!" Kaoru screams running from Kenshin's room. "Oro?" Kenshin blurts in confusion.  
  
"Hentai! Where?!" he cries, running from his room, in the meantime reaching for his sakabatou. "Oro?!" escapes him when he doesn't find it at his side. Looking down Kenshin finds out just who the hentai is. "Hentai!" he gasps, attempting to jump back from himself. 'Wait a minute! HEY THAT'S ME!!!' his mind finally registers. "I'M NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!!!"  
  
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A/N: I can hear it already. Voices call out to me! And they say, "YOU'RE TOTALLY OFF YOUR ROCKER! WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Don't flame me too badly, but I wouldn't mind the reviews to see what you thought. It might be the difference between the life and death of this fanfic. 


	2. Life and Soap Bubbles

Chapter 2: Life and Soap Bubbles  
  
A/N: HEWWO! I SEE YOU THAT MEANS YOU MUST BE READING! OH JOY OH JOY! ^.^ *anime tears run down cheeks* Yay! Sorry if this is really bad...I wouldn't know. It's MY fanfic so naturally I think it's bad. I need some serious input here! .  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. I DO own the evil mutant indestructible plaid piggy banks though. Do you think we could negotiate a trade?  
  
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Kenshin had never been so embarrassed in his entire life. Even the humiliations he's had to go through with Hiko weren't this bad. 'Ano...I bet my face is STILL red.' Kenshin thinks as he bends over the laundry.  
  
Thank Kami Kaoru needed something from town, for her knew there is no way he could have faced her all day today. But he didn't have to worry about that for now, since Yahiko accompanied Kaoru into town with the secret motive of meeting Tsubame.  
  
Kenshin is alone. Blessed alone time. 'I remember I used to hate being alone here at the dojo like this. But now that I have other things to take my mind of my past..."  
  
An image of himself wearing Kaoru's kimono once again surfaces. "OROROOO!" Kenshin cries, backing away from the laundry basin to clear his mind for a moment.  
  
Back to the happy thoughts.  
  
'Not very many days this peaceful arise nowadays.' Kenshin thinks. Usually it is he that escorts Kaoru to town. Deep down there is a portion of his manly pride that is still seething from being left behind.  
  
"YOU AHOU! How could you stay behind and let her basically take HERSELF to town! ALONE!" It howled. "What if something happens!!!" Kenshin shakes his head and smiles to himself.  
  
"I have faith that Miss Kaoru can take care of herself, that I do." He says quietly to himself.  
  
"GET A GRIP BAKA AHOU!" it continues.  
  
Kenshin is still battling to quiet his conscience when Kaoru and Yahiko approach the dojo. "I think I'm going to make the tofu tonight." Kaoru repeats for about the millionth time.  
  
Sighing from exasperation at Kaoru's broken-recordness, Yahiko simply nods. "Just don't put dressing on it....please?" he begs, opening the dojo gate.  
  
"Why not?" Kaoru asks, pondering the meaning of ranch dressing.  
  
"CAUSE DRESSING IS BAD!!!!" Yahiko shouts at the top of his lungs. Around the corner they hear, "ORO! Not a cross-dress---OOMPH!!!" Followed by a series of splashes, watery "ORO!"s, crashes and choking.  
  
Kaoru and Yahiko rush around the corner to find their beloved rurouni not only elbow deep in soapsuds, but somewhere about...entire body deep in the laundry basin.  
  
Kenshin sits in the basin blubbering something about kimonos while Kaoru and Yahiko try to figure out exactly what is going on. "KENSHIN!" Yahiko exclaims. It pains him to see his role model acting so weird.  
  
First the incident this morning...now this? "Kaoru, what's wrong with Kenshin?" Yahiko whispers. "What's wrong with Kenshin?" Kenshin mocks, curling his lips and wrinkling his nose before staring at them suspiciously.  
  
"I don't know Yahiko....I don't know." She replies, moving towards a discarded piece of laundry making sure her movements are slow and predictable. Cause if that telltale glint in Kenshin's eye means what she thinks it does...  
  
" I AM THE BATTOUSAI, OWNER OF THE ALMIGHTY ORO!!!!! FEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRR MEEEEEE!!!!"  
  
Kenshin stands in the laundry basin and strikes various body-builder poses. Kaoru watches, entranced. "Um...Yeah...Sure..." Yahiko mutters as Kenshin's erratic movement causes him to lose his balance and once again find himself lying in the laundry, except this time he is facedown drinking dirty laundry water...again.  
  
After about 10 minutes of this Kenshin raises his head. "Forget this.I'm going to practice." Yahiko announces, turning toward the dojo.  
  
'My God! He really wasn't kidding! He IS Battousai!!' Kaoru thinks in shock as Kenshin's icy golden feral gaze latches onto hers before staring at a point slightly above her right shoulder.  
  
'Um?' Kaoru thinks, watching Kenshin with an expression of puzzlement. "You." Kenshin growls angrily. "Take your hands off her if you wish to keep them." No longer are his words playfully slurring. This is the cold, defined speech of the legendary Hitokiri. Startled and a little wary, Kaoru slowly turns to face her adversary.  
  
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A/N: TeheTehe. I guess you'll just have to wait to see what happens. What about it though? The more reviews I get, the quicker I post! If I get over 5 I'll try to post it the same day! Happy reading! *.*x (tehe, wonder who this is) 


	3. Faceoff with the UnFaceable

Chapter 3: Face-off with the Un-faceable  
  
A/N: Well....Between someone threatening Kaoru and Kenshin Battousified, it seems we've quite a fight scene looming! Hehe, watch out Kenshin! This might not be what it seems!  
  
Kenshin: Ororooo...Just what I need!  
  
Disclaimer: Remember the hobo? With a lottery ticket? In Macy's? Well, I still don't own Rurouni Kenshin, I lost my lottery ticket, and my park bench is infested with termites. I think it's time to move. This nice lady with no teeth told me that someone is selling his box under the overpass. Now THAT'S a mobile home!  
  
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Kenshin glares at his foe with immeasurable fury. How did this cretin manage to slip past him? Even now, as Kenshin studies the tall, dark-haired man, he still cannot feel his ki.  
  
'Perhaps he is only hiding it. That is the only answer.' Battousai rationalizes. The man narrows his pale blue eyes before saying, "Why the angry stare Battousai? Don't tell me this is," The man pauses, gasping theatrically, "your woman?"  
  
Battousai growls, and, not taking his eyes off the man, asks Kaoru, "Kaoru, do you know this man?" Kaoru looks behind her. "What man?" she asks innocently. Battousai snarls out a warning as once again the man takes a step closer to Kaoru.  
  
"Do not force me to dismember you!" he screams as the man ignores him. One step away from Kaoru, the man halts his procession. Smirking, the man questions him again. "So. Is she your woman or not?"  
  
"Get inside the dojo, Kaoru." Battousai snarls. "No! I'm not leaving you out here by yourself!" Kaoru cries, rushing over to him. Battousai smiles fondly at Kaoru before glaring at the man. "You. Ahou. What is your name?" he spits.  
  
The man favors Battousai a glance that can only be described as insolent. "My name is Onda Noriyuki. And you are Himura the Battousai." Battousai snorts.  
  
"Glad you're so quick. This could be interesting, what do you want?"  
  
"What else Battousai? Your title as the greatest swordsman of the revolution!" Noriyuki declares with great fervor.  
  
Well, with enough fervor to warrant a need to catch his breath.  
  
"You...Noriyuki whatever the heck you said. You, my dear man, are what's defined as a waste of time. More importantly, a waste of MY time. I have killed many, but I do not slaughter children. You have the mind of an autistic two year old. Now, vacate the perimeter before your head vacates your shoulders." Battousai drawls in a bored voice.  
  
Turning towards the dojo he catches Kaoru's eye. "Come. Let's go inside." Kaoru looks at Kenshin worriedly. When would he be normal again?  
  
"Battousai!" Noriyuki screams, "Turn your back on me now and I swear I will not rest until that wench of yours dies by my sword!!"  
  
Battousai freezes. "Noriyuki...do you have a death wish?" he asks coldly, slowly turning to face his winded opponent. Noriyuki's eyes are narrowed and his hand rests readily on the hilt of his sword. Battousai walks away from the dojo.  
  
"Stay." He orders as Kaoru takes a step towards him. "You." He gestures to Noriyuki, "Come." And with that the Battousai draws back into a stance as formidable as his name.  
  
Noriyuki's left eye twitches violently as he clenches his teeth. This stalemate lasts for half a minute before Noriyuki screams a battle cry and attacks. He covers roughly half the distance between the Battousai and himself before he falls over heaving for air.  
  
Battousai stares for about a minute then quirks an eyebrow. "Ohhh. I'm scared." Battousai waves his sword mockingly and dances in a circle. "Save me! Oh Kami save me from the scary man!" Noriyuki shoots him a look that could have withered a dying moose.  
  
Army-crawling to where Battousai is still dancing, Noriyuki heaves another great sigh before whacking the Battousai's sandaled foot with the hilt of his sword. The dancing immediately turns violent.  
  
Battousai continues dancing, but in a more...heavy way. Furiously jumping on Noriyuki's back, Battousai is very satisfied with the resounding 'oof!' and 'nggh!' he's hearing. Contented that his foot has properly been paid respects for, Battousai daintily steps off Noriyuki.  
  
Offering him a hand, Battousai stares until Noriyuki takes it. As soon as Noriyuki is back on his feet Battousai draws his sword and whacks him on the arm as hard as he can. "Ow..." Noriyuki complains. "That stung!" Battousai stares in wonder. His arm should have fallen off!  
  
Shrugging Battousai steps back. "Draw your sword!" he commands. Battousai falls to the ground laughing hysterically as soon as Noriyuki's hand touches his hilt. "Who knew the great Battousai was such a GIRL." Noriyuki mutters.  
  
Noriyuki gives his sword a mighty tug and...nothing happens. Battousai's giggling verges on girly. Hearing Noriyuki's comment he completely stops everything. Laughing, rolling, crying, you name it. He stopped it. Five very serious minutes of staring go by. Then Ten. Twenty. Then Battousai is once again rolling on the ground howling with laughter.  
  
"I...super-glued...your sword!" he cries as tears run down his face. Suddenly he stands. "Now. You. Die." "WHAT?!" Noriyuki exclaims. Flicking his reverse-blade sword so that the sharp side faces out, Battousai closes his eyes and mumbles to himself.  
  
"Pardon?" Noriyuki says, still struggling to unsheathe his sword. "What I said is between me and my sword!" Battousai snaps. "Well...sooo-rrry!" Noriyuki barely has time to say before he's hit with Battousai's attack.  
  
"Hiten Mitsirugi Style Kuzu Ryusen!" Battousai calls, and Noriyuki explodes into 10 different pieces of body.  
  
Kaoru suddenly notices that Kenshin is back. "Kenshin what's wrong!" she cries, seeing his distraught expression. "I...I...I JUST KILLED NORIYUKI!!!!" he stammers.  
  
"Kenshin?" Kaoru says. "What are you talking about? There's no one there, and there hasn't been this whole time...come on now you're really freaking me out here!"  
  
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A/N: Te HE! Wow what a chapter! Sorry all of you that thought Kenshin had really killed again...I could NEVER do that. ^_^ MMM.reviews are welcome! 


	4. BubbleSama and Love Sonnets

Chapter 4: Bubble-Sama and Love Sonnets  
  
A/N: You know...when I wrote this I had no idea what was going to come of it...I just had an idea I wanted to throw out there. Te he, I like it though. Oh and by the way, everything not owned by me now has to call me Human Chew Toy-SAMA! MWAHAHAHAHA! Oh the power, oh the fascination, oh the...you aren't listening anymore are you? Oh well. Read this thing so I don't have to go to court. \/  
  
Disclaimer: Kenshin: *giggles* Human Chew Toy-sama (HCTS) thinks she owns me, that she does, but I know the truth, that I do!  
  
HCTS: Oh Ken-SHIN!  
  
Kenshin: O.O  
  
Sano: You're gonna have to break the news to her SOMETIME Kenshin.  
  
Kenshin: *Face-fault* Ororororoooo...  
  
Linkin Park Band members: How the heck did we get in this story?  
  
HCTS: So I don't own Kenshin. I should Futae some serious kiwami. By the way, I also don't own Linkin Park or any of the lyrics to the totally awesome song sung by them, "Faint" * pouts* too bad.  
  
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Kaoru sighs. Kenshin is being rather difficult, whether he means to or not. 'At least he's sobering from the...dirty laundry water.' Kaoru thinks.  
  
Kenshin promptly runs into the pole on the dojo porch. 'Maybe not.' She grimaces. Whether she will ever admit it or not, she's enjoying taking care of Kenshin. The only time he ever seems to let her help him is when he's drunk.  
  
'Oh well. You can beat yourself up later. Right now, there's a pole-struck rurouni who needs your help!' Kaoru smiles. Kneeling beside the dazed Kenshin she examines the rather large bump forming in his beautiful red bangs.  
  
'Mmm...anything if it means I get to touch this hair!' Kaoru thinks in delight. Her joy is apparent on her face. Kenshin puzzles over this, trying to find out what exactly is so delightful about an attack dojo pole.  
  
"Kenshin no baka. When are you going to realize that...I love you baka!" she murmurs softly. Even through his drunken-like stupor Kenshin hears these words. His soap-soaked mind slowly turns them around a few times.  
  
Kaoru loves him?  
  
Deep inside Kenshin yearns to tell Kaoru how he really feels. If he were sober, he'd do just that! But the fact is...he isn't. So, his best course of action? Try anyway!  
  
"Me? Kaoru-sama---er-dono..." at this point Kenshin breaks down into hysterical giggles. Kaoru can't help but smile herself. 'He's just so darn cute like this!' she thinks.  
  
Finally managing to calm himself, Kenshin flashes an amazingly flirtatious and disarming smile. He's beginning to think more clearly now...so he thinks. 'Hehe, Kaoru doesn't need to know just yet.' He giggles to himself. Kaoru rocks back to her heels. 'Wow. Was it just me or...dang....' she thinks wondrously.  
  
"Kaoru-d-Kaoru...do you really think I'm air-headed enough to be unaware of the situation?" Kenshin asks, trying as he might to keep up his 'drunken idiot' "façade" going. "Yes." Kaoru replies without hesitation. Kenshin feels so confident now!  
  
"Well, you're!" a huge hiccup and accompanied by a lone soap bubble escapes Kenshin's mouth, "Incorrect..." he finishes, slightly distracted by the floating soap bubble.  
  
Kaoru can't help but giggle as the bubble hovers near her face. A sudden gust of wind blows the bubble closer, and Kaoru gasps as it pops against her lips. Kenshin watches with an expression most easily defined as half amused, half angry. That was HIS Kaoru, and no BUBBLE was going to take her away from him.  
  
'That bubble came from Kenshin! Out of his mouth! So, I was just psuedo- kissed by Kenshin!' Kaoru thinks. Her hand unconsciously travels to her lips, feeling them as if they are new and foreign. Kenshin's breath catches in his throat.  
  
That bubble had dared to touch Kaoru's lips! Kenshin continues getting angrier and angrier, until finally he can take it no longer. "MINE!" he shouts possessively.  
  
Ok, maybe he isn't as sober as he thought he was. Kaoru watches as Kenshin's expression turns hard and cold once again. She notes, however, that this time he's remained Kenshin. No Battousai eyes. Kaoru sighs. In disappointment. Wait...what?  
  
'Ok, so maybe there's only one man alive sexier than Kenshin. But wait, Kenshin and Battousai are one person!' Kaoru pouts slightly. "WAH!" she cries as she's pushed off balance by Kenshin's abrupt rising.  
  
"Don't turn your back on me Bubble-sama! I WONT, BE, IGNORED!!" Kenshin screams, using his sheathed sword as a microphone. He then does his best impression of Linkin Park's lead singer.  
  
Kaoru giggles. So what if Kenshin isn't as sexy as the Battousai? He sure is funnier! "FIGHT BUBBLE-SAMA!" Kenshin shrieks at empty air. Kaoru stands. Time for her to end this.  
  
"Kenshin..." "NO! Stay back! Bubble-sama touched your lips!" Suddenly Kenshin's expression turns watery. "I wanted to do that..." he whines, chin quivering. Kaoru is slightly taken aback by Kenshin's drunken forwardness, but momentarily decides she likes it.  
  
"Kenshin no baka! Look, see there's no bubble!" she says, waving her arm in front of him. Seeing Kaoru in some kind of invisible danger, Kenshin leaps into action. " Hiten Mitsirugi Style Ryu Sho Sen!" he cries as pieces of dojo dirt fly everywhere.  
  
"Kenshin! Stop!" Kaoru pleads. Kenshin pulls back and for a moment Kaoru thinks she's stopped him.  
  
Then she hears him arguing with his sword. "What do you mean you think I'm crazy? ANO! Baka ichi, that's what I said!" Kenshin tilts his head as if listening. Kaoru strains her ears in his direction, but she still doesn't hear anything. Kenshin evidently does. Maybe it's a hitokiri thing.  
  
"AHOU! You'll do what I say, that you will!" Kenshin howls.  
  
"Maa, maa, there's no need to snip!" Kenshin stammers.  
  
"This is nuts." Kaoru mutters. "ORO! I'll show you baka!" Kenshin storms at his sword. Then without warning he leaps into the sky.  
  
"Prepare yourself Bubble-sama!" He shouts as he ascends, "for this! Hiten Mitsirugi Style Ultimate Attack! AMA KAKERU RYU NO HIRAMEKI!" Kenshin smirks grimly as he lands. His opponent is defeated.  
  
"MOU! KENSHIN NO BAKA!" Kaoru cries as all the branches fall off her faithful Japanese maple. "Oro?" Kenshin turns to face a red and steaming Kaoru.  
  
He flashes his famous rurouni grin, and suddenly things don't seem so bad. "Ano...Kaoru beloved..." Kenshin trails off, walking up to her and offering his hand.  
  
'Beloved? Did he really just call me beloved!' Kaoru's thoughts race. "Allow me to proclaim my love with this sonnet!" he triumphantly declares, whisking Kaoru off her feet before she has a chance to protest.  
  
"Bees live in bonnets, monkeys and bears, My sword talks to me, but so does your hair,"  
  
He turns in a precarious circle; Kaoru shrieks as he nearly loses his balance. "SH! I'm not done yet!" he clumsily protests.  
  
"I couldn't live without either,  
  
what would I do?  
  
No Monkey, sword, bee or bear, Can ever compare, To my dear Kaoru."  
  
He finishes with a lopsided grin. "Yay! It's true! Even though the sword comes close..." "KENSHIN NO BAKA!" Kaoru thrashes in Kenshin's arms. The result is even more drunken staggering.  
  
"Ororororoooo!" Kenshin cries, maintaining his balance...barely. "Kenshin, you're so adorable when you're drunk." Kaoru sighs. "I love you..." she says, stretching up to kiss him.  
  
Her lips meet with his to find them....warm, wet, and...unresponsive? Kaoru opens her eyes to meet Kenshin's blank stare. 'Who knew Kenshin knows how to sleep with his eyes open?' Kaoru ponders.  
  
Then it hits her. 'Mou! I bet he did that on purpose.' Kaoru fumes. "KENSHIN NO BAKA!"  
  
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A/N: Te he, had to change my genre because of this chapter. But then again, how could I pass up a chance for k/k romance? ^_^ 


	5. Kenshin's Second Escapade

Chapter 5: Kenshin's Second Escapade  
  
A/N: Yay! You all make me so happy with these reviews! *does little happy dance* T.T (tears of joy) *sob* Thanks, all of you. Oh and believe me, there IS a reason for Kenshin's OOC-ness. Does anyone here know how you get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? Too much typing. Ack, and I think I have it. All this frenzied typing to satisfy my audience (lol, you have no idea how long I've wanted to say that). Lol. Just Kidding! My wrist DOES hurt though. Hm. My mom is old. Just b/c she could hear my music from her bedroom doesn't mean a thing. Psh, she says I'll ruin my eardrums with all this-yeah ok maybe it is a little loud. *Picture falls off wall* Uh...that's bad...I'm wearing headphones.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, and there's nothing you can do about it! You even think about trying, and see you if don't get YOUR a** sued. No one messes with MY right to not own Kenshin. -_-;  
  
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Kenshin stares at the scantily clad girls dancing around him. 'What's this?' He frowns. 'I can see where I'd have weird dreams about Kaoru-dono, but I don't even know these young women.' Kenshin blanches, hoping to Kami- sama it's not one of *those* dreams.  
  
'This is bad...' he thinks to himself. Slowly the girls are tightening their circle around him. "Oro?" eyes wide as saucers, Kenshin turns to all four sides, searching for a means of escape. Kami-sama, what were these women up to?!  
  
Hearing a beat in the background, Kenshin could only assume it was some sort of ritual. 'Hopefully not human sacrifice!' Kenshin sweatdrops and a small vein pops out in his forehead. The circle is now so tight around him that he can't turn around for fear of touching one of the ladies.  
  
Trembling slightly he closes his eyes and wills himself awake. No such luck. He catches a glimpse of a young lady with hair the color of the early morning sand on the beach. Curiosity overwhelms him as he wonders over this. "Oro!" A brush from a close dancer startles Kenshin out of his wondering.  
  
He stares at the girls, grimacing and searching for a way out. The circle loosens a little and two of the girls step back to reveal the blonde. Barely dressed in an extra-small, extra-sparkly hot pink tube top and sequined leather pants so tight you can see veins, the girl shakes her bleach blonde hair before smiling coquettishly and beckoning for Kenshin to come to her.  
  
He refuses, and her coy smile turns into a slight pout. 'This is ridiculous. This girl is young enough to be my DAUGHTER.' Kenshin quirks an eyebrow. Apparently this is not the response she wanted, for the girl takes three exaggerated steps forward and sings these words:  
  
"You drive me crazy!"  
  
With the opening line sung, the rest of the feminine dancers launch into their practical lap dance around Kenshin. He rolls his eyes and fixes the girl with an indifferent stare. She wears a smug grin like no other.  
  
And to Kenshin's horror, when the opening chorus finally begins, he finds himself joining in.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8* 8*8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
*thump* Kaoru wakes instantly. "What was that..." she says, but not without measurable dread. She lays awake listening for a while, but the only sounds she hears are the musical sounds of the night.  
  
Crickets chirping, cicadas ripping out their night chorus, and the occasional hoot of the old owl that lives in her Japanese maple. That Kenshin de-limbed. 'Sorry mister owl...' she thinks. 'Looks like Kenshin butchered your home.'  
  
Kaoru thinks over this latest development for a while, and soon her attention strays. 'I wonder why Kenshin is acting so weird? It's like he's hiding something! I bet he's just going to leave me again, like he did when he went to Kyoto.' The reminder of how lost she had been when he'd left is nearly too much for Kaoru to bear.  
  
"Well, I don't care. I'm going to find out what's wrong! There's no way I'm letting him leave. Again." She vows silently. Finally deciding she'd just been hearing things, perhaps from her dream. (After all, she had been dreaming of giant cotton candy bunnies.)  
  
'It was probably just Yahiko going to the bathroom.' Her mind sleepily murmurs, despite the fact that Yahiko was spending the night with Dr. Gensai and his granddaughters.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
'Ouch...' Kenshin thinks, rubbing his head. Wait a minute...how had he gotten to the practice room? And when? The last thing he remembers before running into the large beam in the middle of the room was...hm...this could take a while.  
  
Slowly, as if unsure of himself, Kenshin backs away from the beam. What was he doing here? Slowly, bits and pieces of his dream begin to filter back. He remembers the blonder girl, the singing, the-wait a minute...singing? Kenshin frowns in puzzlement. What had he been doing?  
  
Did he even want to know?  
  
Suddenly the rest of the dream surfaces.  
  
No, he doesn't want to know.  
  
But unfortunately, he does before he knows what's going on. 'OH DEAR KAMI- SAMA!' he thinks. He hadn't just been singing. He'd been dancing, and rather lewdly at that.  
  
As he wrinkles his nose, trying to force the horrible images from his head, he closes his eyes. Temporarily blinding himself, he uses his other senses to search for something he hopes hasn't happened. His sense of touch reports the soft caress of silk against his skin; the tight clinginess of the restricting undergarments.  
  
His sense of smell adds a hint of jasmine. Oh this is much worse than just dancing. Against his better judgment, Kenshin opens his eyes. "ORO!" Kenshin hits the floor in a dead faint.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8* 8*8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
"ORO!" *thud* Kaoru snaps awake for the second time. "That sounded like Kenshin!" she jumps out of bed without even pulling on a robe. 'He sounded hurt! Or surprised. What if he's leaving me again!' Kaoru rushes out of her room and towards Kenshin's.  
  
In her hurry to find Kenshin she doesn't notice her missing kimono. Finding Kenshin's room empty, Kaoru panics. 'He's leaving!' The mere thought nearly rips her apart. Was it because of what she'd told him? He shouldn't even remember, he'd been trashed as a rich hobo! "Kenshin." Kaoru sobs, tearing through the rest of the dojo.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8* 8*8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
*thudthudthudthud* The footsteps sound against Kenshin's head. 'Kaoru's coming!' he thinks irrationally. 'I've got to get out of here!' Quietly padding to the opposite door Kaoru was approaching, Kenshin slides open the door and steps out into the silent night air.  
  
"Kenshin? Are you in here?!" Kaoru calls, sliding the door open. No Kenshin. He has been there though. She can still smell his scent, a heavy musk against her faint jasmine. "Mmmmm..." Kaoru inhales deeply, closing her eyes to open herself more to the experience.  
  
Her mind clouds, remembering the feel of his lips, whether they had been unresponsive or not.  
  
"Kenshin no baka!" she growls, and walks into the room. Outside, Kenshin sneezes. 'Oh no...' he thinks, sprinting towards his room. Maybe if...no! He can't make it in time! Kaoru will see him! Kenshin relinquishes his control to his panic and he sprints out the dojo gate, towards town in the middle of the night.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
A/N: Oh no.I wonder what kind of trouble Kenshin can get into in town? What if someone recognizes him? What if.SANO..recognizes him? o.O Read on! Keep those reviews comin', they're like inspirational flour for the literal bread I'm making! 


	6. A Night to Forget

Chapter 6: A Night to Forget  
  
A/N: Thanks again all you guys that are sticking with me. It really helps, that it does! Ashes of Reality and I have been working on the final few chapters of our joint fanfic. If you like Kenshin, and you like drama and romance mixed with a little humor and a few things that don't EXACTLY follow the storyline of the prequel movie, then you might like our story. I sure do! Lol, of course I would...The name of it anyhow is "An Old Acquaintance."  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. I think I do own the general plotline of this fanfic though...maybe...c.C  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
Kenshin stops sprinting about halfway to town. 'Will I can't go back there tonight, that's for sure.' He thinks. 'I'm dressed in a kimono! Oro, I need a drink.' Kenshin stops. 'I bet there are some shops around that have some decent clothes. I needed some new ones anyhow.'  
  
Walking with a new objective, Kenshin is even able to forget that he's wearing a kimono. Well, he WOULD forget if he didn't have to take such tiny steps! 'How did I manage to sprint in this?!' Kenshin wonders.  
  
Kenshin feels the men's presence before he actually sees them. 'Oro...I'd better find somewhere to hide' Kenshin looks around frantically, searching for a decent hiding spot. 'Ah, there the alley!' Kenshin turns and heads for the alley.  
  
He pauses at the entrance. 'Go Kenshin! Before they se-'  
  
"Oi Little lady! Why don't you come walk with us, eh?" the taller of the men calls. He's obviously trashed out of his mind, and going back for more. His shorter companion is sober.  
  
Kenshin examines the taller man's features. His high cheekbones and dark hair are barely visible in the shadows they're standing in. Kenshin doesn't think he knows them personally.  
  
The shorter is more sturdy, with more muscles and body tone. 'Not one I'd want to fist-fight with.....' Kenshin notes. "Miss?" the shorter asks. Kenshin is startled out of his reverie. Wait.....miss? They think he's a woman?!  
  
"Ororooo....." Kenshin quietly admonishes. He never thought they'd think he was female!  
  
'My scar!' he thinks instantly. If he's not careful these men will recognize him as Battousai. Which he is definitely NOT right now.  
  
"Miss?" The short man repeats, watching Kenshin think. Stepping a little more towards the light from the street lamp, Kenshin places his left hand on his left cheek, effectively covering the scar and appearing distressed at the same time.  
  
He works up as innocent a look as he can pretend. Slowly he turns around. "Oh dear me, I seem to be lost...." Kenshin inwardly blinks in astonishment. Who knew he could do such a believable impression of the female voice?  
  
'If it wasn't me standing here in the kimono, I'd sure think I was a girl.' He thinks. The voice that had founded itself in Kenshin had been silky yet rough; soft and yet hard; slightly seductive and still innocent.  
  
The two men catch onto this very quickly, their eyes moving from Kenshin's purple socks, (Evidently Kaoru's socks just weren't good enough.) up the jade green kimono and white obi, taking in his loosed red hair and violet eyes. His hand remained on his cheek.  
  
'I wonder how they would react if they found out I was really a man?' Kenshin grins broadly.  
  
"Huhuhu....." the men chuckle stupidly, eyes attached to Kenshin's "womanly" figure. "Why don't you come with us?" the taller man suggests, only slightly slurring the words. "You wouldn't happen to have a bandage on you would you?" he asks the shorter man. "And you've not told me your names....."  
  
"You know, I do actually have a bandage." the shorter man replied. "I'm a student doctor from Kyoto. My name is Akio. My companion here is Haruko." He gestures to the swaying man. "Hi.....hehe." Haruko giggles. "You're pretty.."  
  
Kenshin reddens. "Aw look Akio, she blushes an' everything!" Akio rolls his eye and hands Kenshin the bandage. "Here you go."  
  
Kenshin take it, and turns his back to position it on his left cheek. It covers the scar....barely. The color of the bandage is so near Kenshin's natural skin color that it is unnoticeable unless you look for it. From a distance, it would look like the immaculate skin of a dainty female.  
  
Now Kenshin could walk among the locals without the fear that they would recognize him. Stepping into the light, Kenshin gestures towards town. "Akio, Haruko, would you do me the honor of being my escorts for the night?" He asks flirtatiously.  
  
No matter if he IS the legendary Battousai, he's going to need some protection from common thugs. He is after all, wearing a kimono. In all appearances he is female. Holding out both arms so the men could take them, Kenshin is escorted to town.  
  
Akio pulls Kenshin's arm. "This way." He says persuasively. 'Uh oh....' Kenshin thinks. "Ok!" he replies. He has these men thinking he's positively ditsy. Akio leads him and Haruko into a bar. "ALCOHOL!" Kenshin shrieks delightedly.  
  
Akio watches with interest as Kenshin runs (Well actually more like walks slightly faster.) towards the sake bar. "Hey hey whoa! TOO MUCH!" Akio rushes forward to stop Kenshin, who is in the process of draining an entire bottle of sake.  
  
"Hehehe*HIC*hehehe....." Kenshin giggles.  
  
"Aw man. Now I've got a trashed female in my company also." Akio groans. "What next?" "AKIO!" comes a loud voice from the back of the bar. "I had to ask." Akio looks to the ceiling. "Why? What have I done to deserve this?"  
  
Sano strides openly to the sake bar. "Akio! Long time no see! How's the family? More specific, how's the sister?" Akio sighs. "Sano, you know that Yushi will never go out with you." Sano's face falls.  
  
He looks dejectedly to the bar, where a giggling Kenshin lays. "OH! And who might I ask is THIS lovely lady?" "Uh...actually, I don't know." Akio replies. "Oh HO, a one night stand for Akio the impersonal?" Sano's eyes twinkle with delight. "No, we found her out by Atsaku's, wandering about lost like the little ditz she is."  
  
"Hey....I'm not ditz." Kenshin slurs out. "Uh huh." Sano's eyes twinkle, but this time not from humor at Akio's expense. 'This girl looks an awful lot like Kenshin. Wonder if she's his sister.' Sano thinks.  
  
Grinning he examines the Kenshin now lying in his lap. "Oh well...." Sano then thinks of the possibility that it IS Kenshin's sister. And if he slept with her....Kuso, he could already imagine the angry golden stare, those damned piercing eyes of his.  
  
Sano looks down to find himself peering into those exact same eyes. It is that moment that something in him recognizes his friend, though not a part of him that can actually tell another part. Sano shudders, and pushes Kenshin off his lap.  
  
The angry Battousai in a kimono flops to the floor. "Kuso, you look exactly like Kenshin." Sano curses. At the mention of his name, Battousai freezes. 'Ok Kenshin, get it together, you're still wearing a kimono.' He thinks. He smiles sweetly, hoping his eyes haven't gone amber.  
  
Sano tries to look away from those strangely familiar violet eyes, but finds himself entranced. 'Oh kami-sama, I hope this doesn't mean Sano is attracted to me as KENSHIN.' Kenshin rolls his eyes.  
  
Sano tries to follow the path of those eyes, and ends up on the floor beside Kenshin. "I know what I'll do! I'll bring her back to the dojo! Kenshin'll be so happy!" And with that Sano scoops Kenshin up against his will and, shouldering him like a sack, hurries off towards the dojo.  
  
"NO!" Kenshin cries, almost forgetting to disguise his voice. As Sano runs closer and closer to the dojo, Kenshin has no choice. "Sano stop!" he says, using his real voice. Sano stops immediately, dropping Kenshin on the ground. "Kuso Kenshin, what do you think you're doing?!" Sano cries.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
A/N: Oopsie....Kenshin's in trouble now! Sorry it's taking me so long.I'll try to go faster! 


	7. Kenshin Spills the BeansOr does he?

Chapter 7: Kenshin Spills the Beans  
  
A/N: Today is my birthday! Yay! Finally I'm 16! WOOHOO!!  
  
Disclaimer: This 16-YEAR-OLD female doesn't own Kenshin. She can't drive either, but lets not focus on the negative.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
Kenshin lays face-down in the muck and mud Sano dropped him in. His fiery red hair is tussled and matted. Sano places his foot atop Kenshin's head. "UUURRMRUUU!" Kenshin muffles out.  
  
It sounds suspiciously like 'ORO!'.  
  
"Now Kenshin." Sano says, pressuring the red-head's face further into the mud. "You're going to tell me why you were with Akio." Sano lets up with the pressure on Kenshin's head, allowing him to sit up.  
  
Kenshin spits out the mud and twigs that have collected in his mouth. "Sano, you don't understa-" Sano brutally pushes the rurouni back into the mud. "EXPLAIN!" he roars.  
  
He lets Kenshin up again, this time the wanderer is slightly dazed and disoriented because of loss of air. Kenshin wipes the mud out of his eyes and nose. His hair is matted to his head, more brown than red now. The eyes that glare back at Sano could have nailed him to the wall, had there been one behind him.  
  
Sano forces himself not to back away. "Sano, I would advise you to remove your foot from my head." Kenshin growls. Sano hurriedly complies. "Now!" the rurouni chirps happily, "I was with Akio and a Haruko because I was going into town for new clothes."  
  
"After midnight? In a kimono. I'm sorry Kenshin, but I really just can't believe that." Sano starts walking towards the dojo. Kenshin stands and follows.  
  
For a while neither of them say anything. "Sano, do you think I'm a cross- dresser?" Kenshin asks finally.  
  
"Well...the way I see it...whatever floats your boat." Sano replies gruffly. "Just...not in front of me anymore...ok?"  
  
"Why not?" Kenshin asks with an innocent rurouni look. Yeah, right. Innocent. Psh. Kenshin isn't the air-headed rurouni he would like everyone to think. His inner self is too calculating, too anticipatory to allow him to be.  
  
Sano know this VERY well. 'He knows good and well why I said that.' He grumbles. "Well..ah....hm....because....you..." Sano trails off.  
  
After walking for a few minutes, Kenshin prompts, "What about me?" "Well, you're.....in that state of dress you're..."  
  
"I'M WHAT?!"  
  
"Damn it Kenshin I know you know!"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
The rurouni tilts his head to the side, his muddy hair flops across his face. Spitting furiously, Kenshin finally purges his mouth of foreign mud.  
  
"Know what." He says again.  
  
"DAMN IT! YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR THAT EVER AGAIN BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO DAMN PRETTY!" Sano shouts.  
  
'Ha, I knew it.' Kenshin thinks triumphantly. "OROROO!!!" he replies out loud.  
  
"Sano...I'm not a cross-dresser." Kenshin bluntly states. "Then what's going on?" Sano asks. "I'm not sure. I'm sleepwalking, and then I just wake up...in these kind of clothes." Kenshin says. "Yesterday Kaoru almost caught me. Then she ended up seeing me naked." He reddens at the thought.  
  
Sano grins. "I heard about that. I just figured it was some police job. Saitoh would SO do something like that to you." He says. Kenshin groans. "So true."  
  
"Why are you out here in the first place though? Seriously, you couldn't have REALLY thought you could buy clothes at midnight." Sano asks. Kenshin stops walking towards the dojo. The gate is just in sight.  
  
"Sano, I can't go back there tonight!" he stresses. "Kaoru heard me leave, and was searching for me! Sano, I love her, I can't let her see me like this." Kenshin's voice is shrill and panicked.  
  
"Chill bud, we'll figure-wait a minute, you love her?" Sano stumbles over the realization that Kenshin has finally admitted this. To himself at least.  
  
"Have you told Kaoru?" is his first question. Kenshin shines the lopsided rurouni grin he's famous for.  
  
"Accidentally."  
  
Sano claps him over the back, sending Kenshin tumbling forward into the mud...again. "Heh....forgot about that..." Sano chuckles, offering a hand to Kenshin. Kenshin takes it and they stand looking at the dojo for a few minutes.  
  
"So, do you think I could stay with you until this sleepwalking goes away?" Kenshin asks.  
  
"If you'll do one thing tomorrow."  
  
Kenshin looks at him, puzzled at what Sano could want him to do. "Tomorrow, go buy a ring. I know you have a storehouse of money packed away for that very reason. Tomorrow, at least get the ring."  
  
"OROROROROOOO!" Kenshin cries, and finds himself looking up at the turbid night sky. Kenshin suddenly remembers the bandage on his cheek. "Ugh." He wrinkles his nose as he peels the bandage away from his scar, leaving a square clean patch on his face.  
  
Sano starts laughing uproariously over this. Kenshin grimaces and tosses the bandage at Sano. It's Kenshin's turn to laugh hysterically as Sano busts a contortionist move to avoid it. "Alright buddy this means WAR." Sano cries, reaching down and scooping a handful of stagnant mud from the moldy puddle beside him.  
  
"KUSO! This stuff SMELLS!" he cries. The mud's odor is nearly overpowering in its strange mix of dead frog guts and sticky grimy wet dirt.  
  
Kenshin laughs so hard he triggers an eye twitch. His left eye twitches violently, and tears run down his face. Not all of them are from the tic either. He pauses to wipe his eyes and then looks up at Sano, who is still holding the disgusting mud.  
  
"Truce?" Kenshin opens his mouth to say, but didn't get very far as Sano's precise arm nailed him full in the mouth with the frothy mud. Kenshin gags and furiously spits out the ghastly substance. 'ALL OUT WAR!' Kenshin's mind screams.  
  
He picks up two double handfuls of the mud on both sides of his, and through his body shaking retches, pelts it at Sano's tall spiky hair.  
  
"NO NOT THE HAIR!" Sano shrieks, ducking barely in the nick of time. But Kenshin was ready. While Sano talks soothingly to his hair, Kenshin is slowly sneaking up behind him.  
  
Sano looks to where Kenshin had sat. "Kenshin, you should-Kenshin?" And with that Kenshin takes the two handfuls of mud he'd accumulated after the other two and smothers Sano's face in it.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
A/N: Oh man. I actually gagged while writing that. So nasty! EW! Hehe, I wonder how this mud-fight will progress? I'm working on it lol. Fun fun fun to write. Ashes of Reality and I are finally finished with our fanfic, but we've started another one. It's not serious at ALL. Lol, the hilarity level makes MY fic pale in comparison. It's a tough thing to write in Trig. Without cracking up. 


	8. FIGHT! FIGHT!

Chapter 8: FIGHT! FIGHT!  
  
A/N: Hehe...MUD FIGHT! Lol, this was a spur of the moment idea. Over the past few days I've developed an eye twitch. It's all b/c of the saxophones, marching out of step and not covering down (marching band term, means making sure lines and diagonals are straight, and that curves are...well curved.) and screwing up rhythms and and and!!!!!! *eye twitches furiously*  
  
Disclaimer: *eye twitches* I don't own *twitch* Rurouni Kenshin. *twitch twitch twitch*  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
Kenshin finally removes his sticky, goo-covered hands from Sano's face. He jumps back and crouches, an admiral feat in a kimono. He's prepared for Sano's retaliation, whatever it may be. For a moment Sano just stands there, not a single well-toned muscle so much as twitching. The gooey, muddy mess drips off Sano's gravity-defying hair and down his back, muddling the "Bad" symbol so blatantly displayed.  
  
Sano turns, slowly at first but then gradually faster as his anger grows and his face reddens. A large purple vein sticks out of his forehead, naturally drawing Kenshin's attention there.  
  
'Gosh I hope that doesn't explode...that would be bad.' Kenshin thinks. He winces but prepares for the worst as his gaze drifts downwards to view Sano's full-faced snarl, 100% pure, no additives, no substitutes.  
  
"Kenshiiiiiin...." Sano growls, left eye twitching crazily. His lips thin and pull back to reveal his grinding teeth. Kenshin is oddly reminded of wailing and gnashing of teeth. 'Let's hope I can escape the Hades...' his eyes widen at the thought of capture.  
  
Sano watches Kenshin's thoughts flicker through his eyes, and for some reason this only makes him angrier. "ORO!" Kenshin cries as Sano lunges for him. Kenshin is quick, but with the disadvantage of Sano's anger and the restricted movement area of the kimono, he's just not fast enough.  
  
Sano tackles him from mid-air into the muck puddle. Kenshin fights furiously to prevent himself from being drowned in various animal droppings, dead frogs, bubbly soupy muck, and squishiness. Mud flies everywhere.  
  
This goes on for a long while, sometimes Sano is winning, sometimes Kenshin, although it's usually Sano. 'MUST LEAVE! ACK!' Kenshin darts from the puddle, only to be pulled back by his hair. "OWOWOW!" he cries as Sano drags him painfully back into his grasp. "Just where do you think you're going?" Sano growls.  
  
"Nowhere?" Kenshin gulps fearfully. "Exactly." Sano grins evilly. With that he smashes Kenshin into the muck, grinding his face into the very bottom of the pile. Kenshin struggles and finally manages to fight him off, spitting out mud and guts and other various disgusting things.  
  
Sano dives at Kenshin again, succeeding in catching him and forcing him back into the puddle. "I'll make sure you don't leave this time!" he cries. Sano practically sits on top of Kenshin's back, pushing his head into the mud and shouting, "EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!" Kenshin's response sounds like a mixture of "Kuso,"; "ORO!"; "Do it yourself."; and "NO!".  
  
"What's going on here?!" comes an angry voice from behind them. "Oro!" Kenshin shouts as Sano finally lets go of his now brown hair. He gets up close and personal with the mud. Again. 'Hello Mr. Mud, haven't seen YOU in a while.' He thinks sarcastically.  
  
Sano stares at the woman from his seat on Kenshin's back. His long pants are caked with mud; his knees are resting on either side of Kenshin's skinny body. Kenshin lies facedown in the mud still.  
  
"Uh...heh...hi Kaoru..." Sano say nervously. "Kaoru!?" Kenshin's exclamation causes bubbles in the muck. 'Oh no, Oh no.' Kenshin thinks. "Who is this poor innocent lady you're attacking in this filth! Sano, I would have thought even you would know better!" Kaoru pushes Sano off Kenshin. "Here let me help you Mi-KENSHIN!?!?!"  
  
As Kenshin is lifted from the mud, his features aren't marred, even by the mud. She still hasn't noticed the fact that he's wearing a kimono. "Ah...heh." Kenshin chuckles nervously. "Why do you guys seem so jumpy? I'm not going to maul you." Kaoru says, turning towards the dojo.  
  
She remembers that she'd thought Kenshin had left her again. "KENSHIN NO BAKA! I'VE CHANGED MY MIND I AM GOING TO MAUL YOU! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING O-Why are you wearing a kimono?" Kaoru interrupts herself to ask Kenshin this question.  
  
"Heh...uh....OH! SANO MADE ME!" Sano's jaw drops. "Uh huh...and why did he do this?" Kaoru asks, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows. "He said that he wanted to make Megumi jealous, and the only way he could do that was to be seen with a beautiful girl. He asked me to dress as a girl for just one night to make Megumi jealous so that maybe she would notice him, since obviously he isn't getting very far with her by himself. I agreed to help him because, hello, I'm the kind-hearted rurouni that feels sorry for everyone, including himself!" at this last sentence, Kenshin stops and covers his mouth.  
  
"I've said too much that I have." He grimaces. "KENSHIN NO BAKA." He cries, smacking himself in the forehead. Kaoru stares at him. "Does this have anything to do with the laundry water and the invisible people you've been seeing?" Kaoru asks quietly. Kenshin watches her intently for a moment.  
  
'How stupid could I have been?' he wonders. 'I thought that all this that was happening was only affecting me. How selfish could I have been? I should have told Miss Kaoru from the very beginning.' He gazes into Kaoru's shimmering sapphire eyes.  
  
"Ken...shin?" she quavers. Her vision clouds with tears. "I thought you were leaving again! And lately you've been acting so weird, I...I just don't know what to think! You've not been yourself and that scares me! You're the one person I've ever been able to count on to never change! And here you go doing this and I don't want you to change!!" Kaoru wails.  
  
'Way to go Kenshin, you've made her cry. Why don't you go be more insensitive.' Kenshin berates himself. "Kaoru..." he says, stepping forward to take her in his arms. Kaoru cries in his arms for a while before she realizes exactly what's going on.  
  
'Kenshin....he just...that means he really does love me!' Kaoru felt a surge of emotion and suddenly she wasn't crying from sadness anymore. Kenshin felt this strong change of ki and smiled slightly, hugging her close to him. "Sessha is sorry, that he is." Kenshin murmurs slightly. "He'll never let you go, never leave you Miss Kaoru."  
  
Kaoru opens her eyes in surprise, love and hope shining in them. "You mean- ?" Kenshin smiles, "You'll see..." he then starts walking towards the dojo, hand entwined with Kaoru's. Smiling she allows herself to be pulled along. 'Now what could he be up to?' she thinks. Sano watches from the mud. "I think I'll go on home. Those two need to be left alone." He chuckles.  
  
'Maybe he won't need my help after all...' he thinks.  
  
Back at the dojo, Kenshin changes into his own clothes. 'Should I tell Miss Kaoru what's going on? Should I tell her the truth? If I do, she's going to think I was lying earlier, and if I don't, when she finds out then she's going to be heartbroken and--!" His mental debate is cut off by Kaoru's entrance into his room.  
  
"Kenshin?" she says shyly. "Y-yes Miss Kaoru?" he stutters. Kaoru was in her sleeping clothes, and they made Kenshin think very suggestively. 'AH! HENTAI!' Kenshin screams at himself after a particularly expressive thought.  
  
Kaoru watches in amusement as Kenshin's emotions play through his eyes. Usually those same violet eyes are unreadable around her. She can see the mix of love and desire warring with Kenshin's morals. She can't help but make it a little bit harder for him.  
  
In more ways than one.  
  
Kaoru sighs and flips her hair over her shoulder; it trails over the deep neckline of her sleeping shirt. 'Why you little minx.' Kenshin thinks. 'She's doing this on purpose.'  
  
Kaoru struggles to suppress her satisfaction as she lies back against Kenshin, feeling his body tense. She splays her hand over the tight chest muscles exposed by his gi. "Kaoru..." Kenshin growls. "I wouldn't do that if I were you..."  
  
"Oh and why not?" she giggles. "Because something might happen..." Kenshin grins suggestively, pushing her back on the futon. Inwardly Kaoru congratulates herself. 'Finally...' she thinks.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
A/N: Once again, I couldn't resist. Oh but it's sooooo setting itself up for the ending. Maybe you'll finally find out WHY Kenshin is sleepwalking, and find out what happens the day after.^.~ 


	9. Kenshin's Fuiry, Kaoru's Joke

Chapter 9: Kenshin's fury, Kaoru's joke  
  
A/N: Well my story is coming to a close. There will probably be one or two chapters after this, but then...that's all. Sad isn't it? I hope you've enjoyed reading this fic as much as I've enjoyed writing it. *sigh* It just doesn't seem right for it to be over. Oh well, maybe I'll start another one! Yay!  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Rurouni Kenshin, I wouldn't be writing fanfic's now would I? NO. I would be taking my "Fanfic"'s and turning them into EPISODES! YAAAA! That would be so cool. But unfortunately...never mind.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
Kenshin turns his back against the early morning sun, his arm draping over the precious bundle next to him. He smiles, watching Kaoru sleep. 'She looks so innocent, so peaceful. Does she really deserve the chaos I'll bring into her life?' Kenshin thinks. 'Too late, she's HAD that chaos since the first time she was kidnapped.' He tells himself.  
  
Kenshin chuckles. She sure hadn't seemed quite so innocent last night. They'd definitely shown each other EXACTLY what they meant to each other. Kenshin's thoughts begin to wander...  
  
'Kenshin no baka, you've got something to do.' He chastens himself. Slowly unwinding his limbs from Kaoru, then prying her fingers gently from his hair, he rises and dons his hatama. Treading silently he walks to his small trunk.  
  
Opening it, buried among his extra clothing from his former hitokiri days, was a fragile band. Kenshin gently holds the fragile ring, examining it for flaws. The thin band is solid platinum, the stone so deep a blue-violet that it seemed it never ends. Kenshin smiles.  
  
He knows exactly how he will wake Kaoru now. Silently padding over to the futon, Kenshin pauses to gaze at Kaoru's relaxed form before continuing. 'This is what I want.' He thought with satisfaction. 'She will always be mine, mine and no one else's. This is just a form of proof.'  
  
And with that he lay back down on the futon, next to Kaoru. Slowly he maneuvers so that he has Kaoru's right hand in his. He kisses her partially awake and then slips the ring on her finger. "Kaoru..." he says, " will you marry me?"  
  
In an instant Kaoru is awake. She decides to have a little fun. "No...I'm already engaged." She says.  
  
"WHAT?!" Kenshin exclaims, sitting up.  
  
Kaoru admires the beautiful ring on her finger. "I can't marry you because I'm engaged already." She repeats.  
  
"TO WHOM IF I MAY ASK!!!?" Kenshin storms with amber eyes. "A great and fearsome swordsman of the Revolution." She replies, still admiring the ring.  
  
Kenshin growls. "I'll rip him limb from limb.who's the unlucky bastard?"  
  
"You should know silly, you're very, very close. He even has the same hair color as you." Kaoru says. 'If he doesn't get it after that then he MUST be whacked.' Kaoru thinks.  
  
"Sano..." Kenshin frowns. 'That bastard, telling me to get a ring and oohhhh, he's gonna die.'  
  
Kaoru sweatdrops, but Kenshin is much too absorbed in his thoughts to notice. "No baka, it isn't -!" Kenshin swiftly stands and then is gone in a flash of white hatama. "KENSHIN!" Kaoru calls, grabbing the blanket as it attempts to fly away. Grumbling about the idiocy of men, she quickly dresses and runs to Sano's aid.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
Kenshin flits through the town, eyes flashing menacingly. 'That bastard will PAY.' He thinks. No longer is the rational thought processes of the rurouni functioning. Something has threatened his hold on Kaoru, and he will do anything to get rid of the threat.  
  
Within minutes he arrives at Sano's apartment. "Zanza!" the former hitokiri calls. "COME FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" Sano opens his door to discover the shirtless Battousai. 'Oh shit.' He thinks. 'what have I done now?'  
  
Calmly he steps outside the door. "Yes Kenshin?" he says, trying to appeal to the kind rurouni on the inside. Usually you can still see a small spark of Kenshin behind the dark eyes of the assassin, but this time is different.  
  
It's almost as if the rurouni agrees with the assassin. There is only one subject that they agree on...Kaoru. "Kuso! Has something happened to the little missy?!" Sano exclaims. "She's engaged." Battousai growls.  
  
Sano relaxes. So that's what this is about. "Congratula-!"  
  
"To you..." he finishes.  
  
"WHAT?!" Sano exclaims. Ok, so maybe at one time he'd had a LITTLE crush on Kaoru. That doesn't matter anymore! He thinks of her like a sister, not a potential wife! What Kenshin is suggesting is impossible.  
  
"Kenshin, that's not tru--!"  
  
"Come." The Battousai snarls.  
  
"Kenshin! Can't we discuss this rationally like--!"  
  
"Do not force me to come to you. Come." Battousai interrupts.  
  
"KENSHIN!" Sano shouts. "THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"  
  
Battousai attacks. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he cries, running at his terrified adversary.  
  
"KENSHIN NOOOO!"  
  
'This is it, this is the end.' Sano thinks as he waits for the final blow that surely follows the gust of wind that just buffeted him backwards. After several minutes, he opens his eyes to see Kenshin kneeling in front of him, winded and looking very battered.  
  
Kaoru is standing close by with a horrified expression on her face. Her eyes tell a story her mouth can't. "Sa-no...gomen nasai, gomen..." Kenshin whispers before losing consciousness.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
"I still don't understand." Sano sighs. "Explain this one more time?" He and Kaoru are sitting watch over the unconscious Kenshin inside the dojo. "Ok." Kaoru says. It's obvious they've been over this many times already.  
  
"You were standing there, looking scared. Kenshin yelled his battle cry, and attacked you using his Ama Kakeru Ryu No Hirameki. I arrived in time to see him charging at you and screamed for him to stop. He heard me, and came to his senses, but it was too late to stop his attack. So he placed himself between you and it, getting himself mauled by his own attack in the process."  
  
Sano nods, appearing deep in thought. "But why has he been out for so long?" he finally asks.  
  
"When Kenshin loosed that attack, he wasn't the rurouni that had vowed never to kill again. He was pure hitokiri. If that attack had hit you Sano, you would most likely not be here."  
  
"But why didn't it kill Kenshin then?"  
  
"Kenshin jumped between you and the attack, but he wasn't fast enough to get fully in front of it. He only got hit by the second blow, the much more lethal one, but it was only a glancing blow, not fully across the chest. The first attack very nearly hit you, but luckily the air Kenshin displaced by moving so quickly to get in front of you knocked you over, and the attack skimmed over your head."  
  
"Ooooohhh..." Sano says, finally understanding. "So, when do you think he'll be ok?"  
  
"No one knows...No one knows." Kaoru says sadly.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
A/N: Pretty valiant of Kenshin, huh? Does he seem more in character now? I hope so...he was supposed to start out VERY OOC then gradually as things adjusted slide into his...Kenshin-ness. Ideally that is. Oh well, I must go now. The last or next to last chapter is in the making. 


	10. A Time for Tears

Chapter 10: A Time for Tears  
  
A/N: I believe there will be one chapter after this one. It's ending *weepweep* *tear*. I'm sad. I may start a new one if I can think something up. If ya'll have any suggestions, feel free to let me know! Hopefully I don't make myself cry in this chapter. (I did in the last one. It was just so.....SAD.)  
  
Disclaimer: Footsies Tootsies Blocks and Blows, Who owns Kenshin? Nobody knows...  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
Kenshin fights against the images that refuse to leave him alone. So many bloody, battered bodies slain by his own hands! He feels disconnected from his body, almost as if he's hovering above it, looking down. But the pain, oh the ever-present haze of pain that never leaves...that is very real. He's not even sure what happened anymore. Did he save Sano? Or had he managed to assassinate his best friend?  
  
Kaoru snaps awake as Kenshin moans. She smiles, glad to see he's still alive. For a long time, Kenshin's body wavered between life and death. Some strong bond has kept him in the land of the living, though. Kenshin moans again, and writhes on the futon. 'What's wrong with him?!' Kaoru thinks worriedly. 'Megumi never said anything like this would happen!' Near frantic, she scoots over close enough to touch him and smoothes the damp bangs back from his forehead. 'He's sweating.' Kaoru notes. 'But he doesn't seem to have a fever.' Kaoru's heard of some people having delusions while being sick, but she thought it only applied to fever patients. 'Maybe not.' She thinks. The gentle rurouni's features contort into a mask of pain, and it feels to Kaoru as if his pain is lancing her heart. She can't stand to see him like this. "Oh Kenshin...come back to me." She whispers gently.  
  
Through the painful memories of actual hitokiri slaughter, Kenshin hears the sad voice and feels the slight pressure of a gentle kiss on his lips. 'Miss Kaoru! I've got to get back to her!' Kenshin then remembers everything that happened in vivid detail. He'd saved Sano's life by offering his own. Why it hadn't been taken he didn't know. But evidently there was a reason. He begins a long and torturous journey to consciousness through all his old hitokiri memories.  
  
Kaoru's tears fall as at her request Kenshin doesn't open his eyes. "Kenshin..." she sobs, crying out all her fear on his motionless body. Heart-wrenching whimpers choke her throat as she mourns one that isn't lost. "Kenshin...What were you thinking?" She bawls on his chest. Kenshin can't leave her now...he just can't. Not after proposing, he CAN'T go like that!  
  
The memories pull at Kenshin, unwilling to let him pass. The battle against old history is failing. He's slipping, floundering for a way out but being dragged back as he pushes away. Slowly his determination is seeping away. He can't go on much longer. He feels the warm tears on his chest, and is aware that they are for him, but everything is fuzzy around the edges. Ceding himself to the darkness, Kenshin slides into the blackness.  
  
Kaoru's sobs eventually subside, and she lays with her head on Kenshin's chest, listening to the accelerated heartbeat. When it begins to slow she sighs. Perhaps Kenshin is getting better. Maybe he'll wake up! Kaoru sits up and looks at Kenshin's eyes. His face is pasty white, and it doesn't look like he's breathing. Alarmed, Kaoru lays her head back on Kenshin's chest. Straining her ears for a heartbeat, Kaoru finds nothing.  
  
"MEGUMI!!!!!" She cries frantically. The doctor hears her plea from the next room and comes running to find Kaoru frantically shaking Kenshin. "YOU CAN'T DIE ON ME NOW IDIOT! YOU DON'T JUST TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE HER AND THEN DIE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE! COME BACK!!!" "Kaoru!" Megumi says softly, rushing to Kaoru's side. She checks Kenshin's pulse, then sadly shakes her head. With a choked wail, Kaoru lets Kenshin fall back onto the futon.  
  
A small thud is heard. Neither of the distressed women hear the small gasp over Kaoru's sobs. Kenshin's body starts convulsing, obviously getting the girls' attention. "Kaoru! He isn't dead! He's come back! His heart had completely stopped, but something has brought him back!"  
  
Spinning, deeper, darker, faster. Kenshin fights the light threatening to encompass him. He will not surrender to death! Miss Kaoru needs him, and he her! He cannot bear the thought of her being a widow without being married. If nothing else he must at least tell her goodbye! Screaming a wild, angry exclamation, Kenshin pushes his way all the way to the top, sitting bolt upright in bed. His horrible scream continues until his breath is expelled.  
  
Kaoru and Megumi stare in shock. In all her days as a doctor, Megumi has never seen a corpse revive itself. Then again, this is Kenshin Himura, the legendary Battousai. He can make anything possible. And he's just proven it again.  
  
"Kaoru..." he whispers. "Sh! Kenshin you don't need to--!" "Yes I do Kaoru, you don't understand. I've been to the other side. The only thing that kept me from staying was you." He grinds out hoarsely. "Oh Kenshin...Don't ever do that to me again." Tears run down Kaoru's cheeks like rainwater down a spigot. "I promise..." Kenshin smiles.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
A/N: Sorry bout the close brush with death, I bawled like a baby when I wrote this. It took me a while to get over the fact that he had "died." So I had to fix it. I really don't know that much about coming back to life, seeing as how I've never been dead, so...don't shoot me all right? 


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue: This is the End  
  
A/N: You heard it. This is the end. Last chapter. 8*( WAAAH! Anyhow, I don't know how long this will be, or what exactly is going to happen. I'm sorry to you guys that are looking for answers as to why Kenshin was sleepwalking, cause I really don't have any. Sorry.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm just a kid, and life is a nightmare, Kenshin's not mine, I know that it's not fair, nobody cares cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than mee!!!!! Btw, I don't own Simple Plan either. If you don't know who they are...look it up. Later.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
Slowly, carefully, Kenshin tests his strength. 'Today's the day!' He thinks, standing on wobbly legs. Kaoru was outside doing the laundry, and Kenshin didn't appreciate that at all. 'That's my chore. No one gets between me and my laundry. NO one.' He grins. Ever since the day he'd proposed to Kaoru, his life has taken a turn for the best.  
  
It seemed nothing could make it better. They'd gotten a priest to come to the dojo to have them married; the small reception was only their close friends. Sano and Megumi are getting more and more serious. Well as serious as those two can be anyhow. Even the audacious Misao/Aoshi couple had managed to be there. Kenshin had remained to weak to stand for very long, so the priest had shortened the marriage quite a bit.  
  
Kenshin had considered going back for a more ostentatious wedding once he got better, even going so far as to mention it to Kaoru, who laughed and said, "Kenshin no baka, do you not think getting married to me once is enough?"  
  
He decided against the idea after some debate.  
  
But now, now he is better, and he's going to show them all. Being bed- ridden for 2 months is a hard thing! Kenshin had despised it, even though he HAD had Kaoru as his nurse. He smiles. 'Ah those were the days.' Now it was back to the normal grind and gruel.  
  
Still smiling and lost in his thoughts, Kenshin strolls confidently out into the dojo yard. Oblivious at first to the balloons and banners, streamers, cake and other food, the others have the entertainment of watching the rurouni notice them. "ORO!?" he cries, stumbling to a stop.  
  
"What's all this?" he asks politely.  
  
"This, Kenshin dearest, is your party." Kaoru replies sweetly.  
  
"Party?"  
  
Kaoru, Megumi, Sano, Yahiko, Hiko, Misao, Okina, and even Aoshi smack their foreheads. "Kenshin..." Kaoru rubs her hand down the side of her face, a small sweatdrop appearing on the side of her head. "Don't tell me you forgot what today is?"  
  
Kenshin rubs the back of his head, conjuring a sheepish smile. "Ahhaha...maybe sessha forgot a little bit?"  
  
Aoshi rolls his eyes.  
  
Misao clenches her teeth and attempts to keep from strangling the wanderer.  
  
Kaoru sighs patiently.  
  
Yahiko fidgets IMpatiently.  
  
Okina plays with the bow in his beard.  
  
Megumi giggles.  
  
Sano stares open-mouthed at Kenshin.  
  
After a while, this begins to rub on the patient rurouni's nerves. "Are you going to tell sessha what today is?" he asks, straining to keep his calm exterior. "Maybe...if you're really nice to me." Megumi teases. "How 'bout a birthday spankin'?"  
  
"ORO!" Kenshin falls to the ground.  
  
"MEGUMI!" Kaoru growls.  
  
"Oh hoho! Maybe our Kenshin is trying to show us something!" Megumi declares.  
  
"ORO!"  
  
"MEGUMI!!!!"  
  
"SESSHA REALLY DOES WANT TO KNOW WHAT TODAY IS THAT HE DOES!"  
  
Kenshin finally loses all composure and screams out loud. "Well geez, all you had to do was ask! You don't have to yell!" Kaoru says.  
  
"WHAT IS TODAY!"  
  
"BAKA! Today is your birthday silly rurouni! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" Kaoru giggles as Kenshin sweatdrops.  
  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the entire oniwabaan jumps from the bushes beside the dojo.  
  
"ORO!"  
  
"Oh, and Kenshin...I have a special Birthday present for you..." Kaoru says shyly. "Oh ho! Everyone turn away!" Megumi calls from the background. "IF all flirty foxes would KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT, I will tell him what it is." Kaoru growls. Everyone quiets down, anxious to hear what Kaoru has to say.  
  
"Kenshin...I'm pregnant!"  
  
ORO!  
  
Kenshin hits the ground.  
  
*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8 *8*8*8*8*8*8*  
  
A/N: So it's not as long as I would like for it to be. After all, it is the epilogue. Oh well! This is the end! There's no more. After this point there is no more writing. I just said there was no more. Why are you still reading? STOP DANGIT! I SEE YOU STILL READING! STOP READING AND GO REVIEW OR SOMETHING! ACK GEEZ! DON'T YOU HAVE A JOB OR SOMETHING?! 


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